Monday, February 27, 2017

My Thoughts

It's been a little while since I posted here, I haven't been doing so good and just haven't been able to bring myself to post about it. I'm still struggling but I thought maybe someone else is going through the same and I may be able to help them by posting how I am doing.

On the 1st February it marked a year since he was sentenced, I've been having flashbacks and haven't been dealing with it at all. Some days I wonder why I keep going on as some days as just so damn hard. Some days I just want to curl up in a corner and rock back and forwards, other days I just want to sleep all day and not do a thing. I'm finding that I really don't want to go out of the house, though on certain days I do push myself to go out. I know I probably should go and see a psychologist but have found that she just kept making me relive it all and didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. I have been trying to do things for myself like being creative, I've been decorating my planner and have started Bullet Journaling which I'm finding helps me.

I thought by now that I would start feeling better and not having the flashbacks but I guess it's affecting me more then I thought. I know I'm not just going to get over it and it is going to take awhile before I start feeling ok. At the moment I am not really taking care of myself, I'm putting on weight cause of the emotional eating, I should be doing insulin of a morning but haven't been, I'm really letting myself go and my body is starting to let me know about it but I just feel a lack of motivation to do anything about it, it all just seems so hard and I'm so over doing anything hard. I know my health is important and I know my parents worry about me but as I said its just so hard to get motivated to do anything about it.

All I know is that I will keep fighting and I will keep going on and taking each day as it comes as I didn't come this far to give up. It is just going to take time

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